w/oSIN

last week i spent my time in Glendale, AZ....i was actually there for work and to meet up with "w/oSIN" who i first met on OKCupid....

i met w/oSIN in early June....i was browsing through random journals on OKCupid and i came across his that was about photography....um hello???...i LOVE photography....so i glimpsed his profile and found interesting tibits.....i figured...."what the hell"....shrugged....and sent him a "woo".....first time ever sending a "woo" to anyone....

and he responded :)

we ended up sending messages to each other....which progressed to IM's on yahoo....which then progressed to talking on the phone....which happened on June 15 2007.....i remember this because he called me the day before sina's wedding.....and we hit it off.....

we spent HOURS on the phone....literally until the sun came up on two occasions....we laughed....and talked....and got to know each other very well.... we had so many things in common.....

anticipation got the best of us and we wanted to meet up....only after maybe a week and a half of talking every day straight, we knew we wanted to meet face to face....

he first came up with the idea to come up to salt lake the last week of june....but when i found out that my company would pay for me to go down to his area for work the first week of July....i figured that he should save his money....and let me come down there.....

so i did....

and that week will be one that i will never forget....

he turned out to be very sweet.....we laughed a lot....we played around....and just being with him was such a joy.....his scruffy face....his smile when he laughed....the way he was so attentive towards me and how we would just keep finding out more and more stuff we had in common....my favorite part was laying on my bed in the hotel room watching my two favorite shows on tv, NCIS and Dr. Who....just laying there with each other....and playing around during the commercials was so wonderful.....

it was great.....i felt like we bonded.....his hugs were warm....his kisses blew me away.....and just having him hold me was like having my soul embraced.....

he told me that kissing me was like floating in air....

we had our intimate moments that i will not get into....but i do remember saturday night as he was cooking me dinner (the last night i were to be with him)....he looked into my eyes and told me that "he wasn't supposed to fall in love".....i looked at him and asked him if he was falling in love....but he just responded with a kiss.....

later that night, i said "i love you" as he held me close with my head on his chest....

i have not said "i love you" in that way in about 6 years.....i didn't even say it to david even though i would have meant it at the time with him.....

6 years.....i haven't been in love....

and the biggest thing that got to me....was the day i was leaving on sunday....we had a lovely lunch at the olive garden.....when we got into the car.....he took a moment....lowered his head....i reached over to him to asked what was wrong....and he looked up with tears in his eyes and told me "i don't want you to go"....i wanted to cry too....but i knew i had to be strong for him as i gently wiped a tear from his cheek.....

and it is sad that i do have to report that despite our feelings....and all that was said and done.....we've decided not to pursue this relationship beyond yesterday.....our friendship remains intact....but because of our distance and because he's not ready for a relationship, he decided it best not to become a couple....

(note: HE...although WE discussed it in length before i got there and during my time there....we did come to a mutual understanding, however, deep inside, i wanted us to be together)

today was the first time in a week that i woke up without him by my side....i felt myself reaching for him before realizing i was home in my bed.....i miss him terribly.....

today, he sent me a text stating that he wrote me a comment on my myspace page....and this is what he wrote:

Jul 9, 2007 6:52 AM

For the laughter, and music
For the evenings, and mornings
For the TV we watched
For the sparkle in your eye

For the fireworks we shared
For the sleepless nights
For the dreams that came true
For the love in my heart

I Thank You.
I will never forget.

i too will never forget....