To Bryan

i am still pissed at you....

last monday when you called me at work....i told you how i felt about "w/oSIN"....and i was telling you my story about glendale and how much fun i had....

i was also telling you about the comments that were left on my page from "w/oSIN" and david....how i told david about "w/oSIN" and how i felt about him through a comment on his myspace....i then told you what david wrote on my myspace comments....and started to read what "w/oSIN" wrote me.....

and in the MIDDLE of me reading you a special comment someone wrote me....YOU HUNG UP ON ME.....

i attempted to call you back....but you failed to pick up.....i left you a voicemail going "oh HELL no you didn't just hang up on me, that better have been the storm"....blah blah blah.....

and then you sent me a text:

"I really don't feel like listening to that right now. You think I want to hear how many people are telling you to ditch me?"

well....first of all....i was only telling you what happened in glendale....second of all....who cares if EVERYONE in my life is telling me not to move to chicago.....it's MY decision.....a thousand people could tell me NOT to move to chicago with you and i would turn my back on all those people, for YOU....

AND if you hadn't hung up on me....i would have gotten to the part that me and "w/oSIN" did nothing in glendale but talk about me moving to chicago.....when i talk about the "distance" in my previous blog....it wasn't the distance from glendale to salt lake....it was the distance from glendale and chicago.....

i told "w/oSIN" that i was moving to chicago with you....and that is why we decided not to be together because i was moving far away.....hell...."w/oSIN" and i were talking about him visiting me in chicago....

AND if you hadn't hung up on me....i would have told you to read the comment on david's myspace saying that i was going to move to chicago, even though i have feelings for someone in glendale.....which by the way, glendale was always my first choice to move waaaay before i even started talking to "w/oSIN".....

i was going to sacrifice someone that COULD me the love of my life, to keep my pledge to you and move with you to chicago.....

then i get THIS text from you a few minutes after the first one you sent:

"You've been doing a great job of coming up with reasons to move to Arizona, so why don't you just move there. I'm better off just doing things on my own. But don't expect me to be around when things come crashing back to Earth and you're there by yourself."

WTF is THAT shit!!!....NEVER have i EVER said i was going to ditch you....NEVER have i EVER said that i wasn't going to move with you to chicago....and you send me THAT shit???

i was all gung-ho about moving to chicago.....looking at apartments.....getting a job interview with AAA Chicago (which i'm still going to on the 18th and 19th)....i told all my friends and family.....i was ready to move.....

but then you send me THAT SHIT?!?!?

"don't expect me to be around when things come crashing down to Earth...."

well....i'm glad to know how you really feel about our friendship....instead of TALKING and LISTENING to me.....you'll just throw me away, without a care in the world.....

and what if we were to get into a fight while we were in chicago???....you would just go ballistic on me like this???....

how dare you hurt me like that.....after everything i've done for you....after all that i would have done for you....i was WILLING to sacrifice a promotion that would further my career, the closeness and comfort of my family and friends, and perhaps a deep and intimate relationship with someone....FOR YOU....and you're basically telling me to move to arizona and you won't be my friend?!?!?!

grrrrr......

i am so mad at you right now.....

and to be honest....after that last text message.....i'm going to take your advice and move to Arizona.....i don't want to move to chicago with you anymore.....you obviously don't NEED me there....and quite frankly, that was the only reason i was going to move there....was because you told me you "needed help".....and because i'm such a good friend.....i WANTED to help you.....

i can see now that if the situation were reverse.....it seems you wouldn't have helped me....

you would have me fend for myself because you won't "be around [for me] when things come crashing down to Earth".....