life's worth.....

seeing all this devastation in new orleans after hurricane katrina......makes me wonder about my life's worth......

i have shelter.....i have food.....i have a great job.....good friends.....

yet.....there are days where i would wish it all away......there are days where i would think about how much easier it would be for everyone if i just didn't exist......if died tomorrow......it wouldn't matter to anyone.......

but then i thought about it......and i realized how selfish i was with my life......how i have so much......where others have so little......how people would LOVE to have my life......and here's me wishing it away.......

i don't think i can never stop thinking about suicide......it's always in the back of my mind.....the last thing i think of when i go to sleep......how i would wish to just not exist......of course i would NEVER commit suicide......i love my brothers too much to put them through that......i love them too much to not be there for them......my brothers and i are very close......and i love them so very much.......

but even my love for them......can't stop the thoughts......and i just feel sooo selfish after seeing all that i have......all that i've got......and i'm not happy......i feel that physically......i have the needs to surive......it's emotionally is where i'm starved......and slowly dying inside......and there are people out there......especially in new orleans.......who have absolutely NOTHING......clinging onto life......

have you ever noticed that most of the people living want to die......and most of the people who are dying, want to live????