life in general

*****warning.....this blog contains statements that may offend some readers.....i just wanna put this out that if you read this......and decide that i'm "un-american" or "polically incorrect" or what not......that's the point....nobody really talks about this and it can be a touchy subject for some people......and it's not that i whole heartedly mean everything said......it's just this has been in my head.....and i needed to type it out......so if you don't agree or what not......don't send me a bunch of hate mail and what not.....this is just MY opinion on things and it may go against your opinions.....just understand i'm not here to preach or push MY opinions on you.....i'm just writing a blog..................you have been warned*****


why do i insist on torturing myself with thoughts of happiness that can never be?

i say this out of spite against destiny, fate, the powers that be.....all of it.....

i subject myself to thoughts of happiness, of finding love, of being more that what i am.....but it feels just out of reach.....so why do i hope???.....am i destined to always be on the outside looking in......wishing i was someone else.....somewhere else.....with someone???

which brings me to the whole "fate AND destiny" scenario.....

i say fate AND destiny because it's almost the same thing......fate has more of a human connection.....and destiny has more of a divine connection......but basically meaning the same thing......fate and destiny basically state that EVERYTHING is "meant" to be.....is "meant" to happen and we have no control over it......whether it be god's plan......the powers that be......or the simple human term, "it must be fate"......

so according to fate and destiny.......right now......me being alone.......has already been "pre-determined"......has already been "destined"......"fated".......and i have no control over it......."it's meant to be".......

but here's the kicker......

what about "free will"?

if everything is "fated" or "destined"......."meant to be".......then where is the "free will"?......where are our choices???......

for example......if i CHOSE to work at a travel agency......did i REALLY chose to work there???......or was i DESTINED to work at a travel agency and be a travel agent????

if you look at it in another perpective......the above statement is saying that if i was destined to be a travel agent......then if that's so, was i BORN to be a travel agent????......then were slaves BORN to be slaves????......were kings BORN to be kings????

this concept baffles me......it makes me ask the question.......why are we here????......if everything is set......if everything has already been planned......whether good or bad.......than what's the point????.......

to learn????

learn what????......and what for????......

to be tested????......how does that work when there aren't any choices????

people will read this and say i got it all wrong.......that we DO have choices.....blah blah blah.......like someone didn't CHOSE to be a murderer......or a rapist......or all the bad things in life......but if you look at it this way.......out of one bad thing.......sprouts 5 good things.......and just like a chessboard.......things get sacraficed.......people die.......and according to the experts......you go, when you're SUPPOSED to go.....you can't help it.......(i can just see my mailbox getting full with complaints)

people are always saying the "things happen for a reason"......implying that situations were just out of my control......there was a reason why things happen......a bigger picture......a plan that i don't see......

and another thing.......if "destiny" and "fate" exist.......then "karma" must exist too right???......the whole "what goes around, comes around".......you do good things, you're destined for great things......

which brings be back to the whole "meant to be" scenario......i'm mean.......does that make sense????

if you're "meant to be good"......."destined to be good".......then karma states "good things happen to you".......

so is karma the consequence of destiny and fate???

see how my mind works????......it's all confused......my mind can't get itself around this concept because you got destiny/fate running things with karma mixed in there to spice up life for a bit......to help us learn what "string" clotho, lachesis, and atropos are holding.......

and then we have ourselves believe we have "soulmates"......the other half of yourself that you are DESTINED to find......that you're LONGING to find......that you're MEANT to be......

so basically, i'm here going through life looking for my other half that i'm DESTINED to be with......and that i have really no choice......because my soulmate had already been pre-determined......well, i guess people were right when they said "you can't chose who you fall in love with".......cos according to the soulmate scenario......the decision has already been made......

and WHO makes these decisions????

WHO is it that decides things that "were meant to be".......WHO decides destiny????

is it GOD???.......the powers that be???......clotho, lachesis, and atropos???

(if you don't know who clotho, lachesis and atropos are.....pssssst *whispers* they are known as "The Destinies" or "The Fates".......the three ladies who weave the cloth of life from greek and roman mythology).......

do WE decide destiny????......do WE decide what's meant to be????

is there really free will????

can free will AND destiny/fate/karma.....all that......exist together???

does destiny and fate lead us to a certain point......a fork in the road of life.....and THEN free will kicks in for us to CHOOSE a path (right or wrong.....yes or no).....and then continue on with life that destiny sets with the path chosen until we come to another fork in the road????

(making life looking like a tree, the trunk representing childhood, and then you have the branches and twigs representing the different choices in life leading in all different directions.....my "tree of life" or "highway to hell' scenario)

or do you have to believe in one OR the other????

(the other being that life is a string.....a staight line of destiny and fate......no other options.....like a timeline......for example here you meet so-n-so......and here you do this......and here you do that.......OR.....that there is no divine power leading you, and that life is just chance and coincidence.....and shit just happens)

so it now comes down to this.......

was it my FREE WILL that led me to write this blog????......

or was i DESTINED to write this blog????

or better yet......

was it your FREE WILL to read this blog????

or were you DESTINED to????